Growing up in Leicester

Leicester is known as a beautiful multicultural City, Leicestershire is home to Walkers Crisps, pork pies and the Golden Mile. Speaking of which did you know that outside of India, Leicester's Golden Mile has the biggest Diwali celebrations? People travel from all over the UK to take part, roads are closed for the turning on of the lights and there are festivities galore.

Growing up in an Asian community was confusing as a child, my parents were both from big families, so we had many aunt's and uncles as well as cousins - I have around 20 first cousins, but actually a few more if we include those that became estranged. We were told to call our cousin's brothers and sisters, then each aunt or uncle had a different name depending upon how they were related - e.g. mums sister is Masi, dads sister is Foi. I vividly remember being so confused as to who everyone was and what names to call them despite seeing them all so regularly. Then to add to the confusion, my parents cousins we would refer to them the same as their siblings (aunt's and uncles) and their children we would call cousin brother/sister. Then came the family friends, the ladies that suddenly became Masi (name for mums sister) despite being no relation and then all these old ladies who we would have to refer to as Maa (grandma) - but again they wouldn't actually be a grandparent!

Despite Leicester being such a multicultural City, we actually lived and grew up in an area away from the majority of Asians, so there were not actually many Asian children at school. I was often looked at as a little weird, I struggled to get on with other children as I never knew what to say and when I did speak I would say something that didn't make sense to them. They could not understand if I said cousin brother/sister as that wasn't the norm and they didn't believe me when I said I had 20 cousins (these are my legitimate first cousins!) I found that very difficult as I felt that it was unfair, I had been taught and told these things, but my peers were disputing it. I also didn't share many interests with other children, I liked skipping on my own and reading, again on my own, I pretended to be interested in dolls, dressing up, make up etc, but it just wasn't me, I loved vampires and bats. However I remember having one really good friend at primary school, they loved Halloween so my vampire obsession was accepted and she liked me for me, in fact we are still friends now!

At home I was expected to learn how to be a good housewife, to cook and clean, this wasn't natural to me and I remember getting shouted at a lot if I didn't do it right, I became petrified of doing things wrong as I grew up and just did as I was told, then used to hide in my bedroom with teddies or books and cry. I resented being a girl, I felt that my brother was allowed to do what he wanted because he was a boy "who would carry on the family name" but I was a girl and the only aim for me was to get me married off to join another family. I hated dresses, skirts and frills, much preferring shorts, joggers or jeans, I couldn't stand shoes and wanted to wear trainers, I hated long hair and wanted it short, I wanted to be playing outside, climbing trees and getting dirty/muddy - everyone called me a "Tom boy" and I went with it as I didn't understand why I felt the way I did. I now know that it was my Autism with the dresses/skirts/shoes etc felt uncomfortable and would give me sensory overload, the long hair was too much for me to manage, which is why I needed it short, my ADHD made me want to be active and outdoors, moving and climbing. When I could do those things I was happy, but if I was made to wear the things I hated and sit still I was so miserable, I would meltdown and scream, but then get disciplined and over time I learnt to hold everything in and hide away.

When secondary school came along we travelled to a further away school, suddenly there were so many more Asian children and I remember a stage in Year 9 where I was desperate to fit in, I grew my hair longer, tried wearing the same clothes and shoes as other girls and started attempting to wear make up, I hated it, but was desperate to fit it. Unfortunately for me, the other girls still thought I was weird and pretended to like me and lead me along in the charade until one day they threw salt into my eyes and laughed at me, I was devastated as I had tried so hard to fit in, but it was all for nothing, I didn't know where I belonged, I didn't fit in anywhere.

So I took to sports as a way to escape at lunchtimes and after school, I joined anything, even if I wasn't good at it, being active made me happy. I was desperate to try karate or some form of martial art, but my dad refused - until there was a club at school led by a teacher, that was my in and I loved it, devoting so much time and effort into kickboxing, training, researching different arts, watching films - Bruce Lee became a hero of mine as did Jet Li, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jackie Chan! Kickboxing became my saviour and escape when life at home was difficult and things would happen outside of my control.

I realised in my teens that I had to keep my head down and just survive, study hard and get the grades I needed to escape. I hid myself, my behaviours and my needs - I did this for many years and eventually got 3 A's at A Level's and escaped to The University of Birmingham, I never moved back home and instead worked alongside my studies to afford to support myself and create a new life here, I miss seeing all the aunties, uncles and cousins that I used to see so frequently, but I know that moving away was the best decision for me - especially when I look at my husband and beautiful neurodiverse children who are so happy being free.